Is Happiness a skill?

I can remember the day I decided that I was going to be a happier, more confident person. I was 18 and in France doing an au pair job. I was miserable. I was in unfamiliar surroundings and all the all the French women I met seemed to be elegant confident and happy. One day when out shopping it suddenly came to me that I wasn’t making the most of my time in France. I decided to behave differently – to be more cheerful, more confident and to enjoy my au pair experience. The only skill I needed was to behave more like the people I admired around me. When I got back from my shopping trip, the French family I worked for couldn’t get over the difference. They said I was a different person – and they liked it. Although I had spent no money I had bought into the idea that you could create your own happiness – and that was a brilliant investment for my future

I believe that the first skill in becoming happier is to decide if happiness is something you want enough to do something about it and then to learn from others how to do it. What do you think?

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Comment by: Jenny Hackney Mon 19th Jun,2006 11:52 am

I think that there is a lot of truth when you say you have to want happiness enough to be able to do something about it. I have recognised in myself that it is sometimes easier to live with a negative outlook because that is how I have always been. I know the behaviour inside out and know the self damning script in certain situations. I am trying really hard to break out of my negative programming, change my script and choose happiness.

Comment by: Kunal Chaudhuri Sat 29th Jul,2006 07:07 pm

Life is whatever you want it to be - so it follows that if you really want to be happy and this is backed up with intent, thought and perception, you are bound to become increasingly happy. So,I suppose the skill lies in keeping the mentality, even in the face of challenge.

Comment by: Beth Davis-Hofbauer Wed 06th Sep,2006 09:59 am

I find a problem with this dictum. Not everyone can be happy and it's not always their fault. Those who suffer clinical depression either as a result or something, or chemical imbalances would probably love to be happy but they cannot find it and even if they decide it is something they can change they may fail and feel worse because of their clinical condition -- i.e "how rubbish must I be if I cannot even be happy" etc.. now this is a very simplistic way of looking at it and my words are not coming out right but I used to suffer from clinical depression and it was hard because I am naturally an optimistic person but I was going through a bad patch and the more I looked on the bright side and the worse thngs got, the more useless I felt. Secondly, Physical illness, I write this from personal experience. The begining of last year I was very happy, engaged to be married, teaching work lined up, nearing the end of my MA then illness struck. Over the last 18months my health has gotten worse, I cannot make myself a drink now, get changed on my own, I can't get to a toilet on my own and have accidents, I can't even have a bath on my own; I've had to postpone my research work owing to my health and I went bankrupt as I was not well enough to pay off the loan I took out to do my MA. NOw I have tried to look on the positive, I have learnt new crafts and hope to, with help set up my own business; but in this environment when your life has completely changed it is very hard to be happy and not through choice to be misreable. i used to be very popular, a real social butterfly but since I got ill and now I'm virtually housebound and bed bound my friends no longer see me, may be it makes them feel bad -- this could happen to anyone..... but that makes me unhappy and feel bad but that is not my fault, even on days when I'm in agony and feeling suicidal I smile and pretend I'm ok if visitors are there so it is not me. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh it's just that I find this way of looking at happiness to be an all too simplistic one and does not reaaly take into account factors which may be beyond a person's control.